DANNY LADWA – MY STAMMER

(WATCH STAMMER PROJECT DOCUMENTARY NOW)

DANNY LADWA – MY STAMMER

During secondary school between the ages of around 9-11 I was going through quite an ordeal and it was to do with my speech. For an unknown reason, my delivery of a sentence would suddenly stop because I couldn’t say the next word. I knew what word I wanted to say but I was literally stuck and trying to force the word out. Often the word would blurt out of my mouth because I was trying so hard to say it and then I’d continue with the rest of what I was saying quite normally. I saw the look on peoples faces as they wondered why I shouted one word out much louder. “CAN you pass the…”. “DO you know where the…”. I was well aware of people waiting for me to finish also as I’d often just stop speaking mid-sentence. This speech problem caused internal anxiety while on the surface I mostly appeared cool, calm and collected. I noticed that, as well as with other words, I would almost always struggle with words that started with a consonant like ‘Can’, ‘Do’ or even my name ‘Danny’. I noticed how often a person says their own name. I would look ahead in my mind at the sentence I was in the midst of, or about to begin and spot words that I thought I might struggle with and I’d quickly be switching them for alternative words.  I’d even sing, undetectably, the word that I was struggling with. I became quite good at disguising problem words with singing. A frantic word game was going on in my mind for these 2 years.

It was around the same time that I had a personal songwriting target of 1 verse a day. Stammering was never a problem when I sung, rapped or beatboxed. Writing music was the way that I could express, be heard, gain recognition, be creative. Fast forward to today and School Of Beatbox’s mission which is to bring the best beatboxing lessons to the world at the same time as embarking on projects that give something back to communities. It was obvious to me that working to raise awareness about stammering would be a big part of the social mission. I attended the British Stammering Association’s AGM recently, following the recent work I did at the BSA’s annual conference. Read our article about that here. At the meeting I got a real insight into what the stammering community needed and the big one was raising awareness about stammering. Questions like these were brought up: “What is the best way to support a person who stammers?” “What does a stammerer go through psychologically?” “How does stammering affect a persons well-being?” Although these questions and many more have no doubt been on my mind, hearing the community express their personal thoughts on subjects around stammering and to feel the passion in the room was very moving. I felt a shift inside me, a kind of calling, I guess. I’ve been thinking deeper about the topic. I feel a level of resolving happening as this project progresses. It’s getting me to look back at those 2 years of my life as a child. I hadn’t forgotten that time but I’d definitely closed the door. I haven’t talked about it or wanted to until now. I do think that for many people who develop a stammer that it can be directly related to a particular life event. Anyone that knows me well will know that during those years there were a number of challenges I was dealing with. As I say, I’m very happy that an additional positive outcome of this current project is that I’m looking back at this period in my life with a rejuvenated inquisitiveness and an urge to help others.

Here are the stats: Stammering affects around 1 in 20 people at some stage and 4 out of 5 of these will eventually grow out of it. I guess I was one of those 4 out of 5.

The more I connect with the awesome people I’ve met within the stammering community and the more I hear their inspiring stories combined with their passion for helping others, the more inspired I am to support too. Coming out of the BSA’s AGM it was clear that an important point was that of raising awareness and making support for younger stammerers more accessible and appealing. This has instilled an even stronger drive for the outreach work we do with School of Beatbox.

School Of Beatbox’s next project is doing just that as we prepare a vocal orchestra to perform during the UK Beatbox Championships weekender On Saturday 27th October. The entire vocal orchestra will be made up of people who stammer. This is the perfect opportunity to send a positive message and raise awareness amongst a younger demographic. If you are a person who stammers, you can still be part of this performance. See full event details here.

(WATCH STAMMER PROJECT DOCUMENTARY NOW)

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Danny

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The British Stammering Association (The BSA) supports the stammering community in the UK. Check them out here

Featured Image Credit: John Hain